Why I Volunteer For Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep (NILMDTS)

After a long period of consideration, this year I made the decision to begin volunteering my photography services on behalf of an organization called Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep. NILMDTS provides bereaved families with remembrance photography at no cost, capturing the few but precious moments that the families have with their babies and offering retouching services. When I got the email that my application was accepted, I immediately logged onto the volunteer portal and completed the necessary training. Although I have years of experience as a photographer, I didn’t feel that anything would prepare me for what I had just signed up to do. Despite feeling like it may be more than I’m capable of, my heart continued to tell me that supporting these families in the ways that I can was something that I needed to do. Although my loss looks much different than that of the families I serve, I have experienced the desire to have ultrasounds, photos, or any sort of concrete evidence that my loss was real and that my child existed. These memories can be a great source of comfort throughout the grief. However, a lot of people may not consider this until later. When a child is lost, the family has countless new things to think about. In the moment, they may not think to take photos but wish later that they had them. This is one of the ways that NILMDTS volunteers show up for the parents as they begin their grieving process. NILMDTS volunteers aren’t only offering their photography or retouching services, but they also serve as another empathetic presence in the room during what may be one of the most difficult days of the grieving family’s life. 

I finished my training, and before my badge even arrived, I received a phone call from my local hospital requesting a photo session for a family who had an unexpected loss. I prayed the entire way there, and I couldn’t control my body shaking. I got there as quickly as possible and made my way to the L&D unit. I couldn’t find the words to say when I met the family. I wanted to hug the mom although I had just met her moments ago. Her family surrounded her and her baby with so much support and love. I felt honored to be present with them and to capture those precious moments. As I watched this mom give her son a bath, I felt my breath escape me. I knew that there was nothing in this world that I could be doing at that exact moment that was more important than the task at hand: holding space for this mother and documenting these moments so that she could be fully present in them. I had promised myself that after my first volunteer session, I would know for sure if this was something that I would be able to continue doing. I wanted to provide the service, but I worried that once I got into the room with a grieving family, I would freeze. I was surprised when I left the hospital feeling good about what support I was able to provide, and knowing that I was prepared to give this gift to other families. 

           It was less than a month later when I got the call again. With less fear than last time, I quickly made childcare arrangements and packed all of my photography equipment to the car. Just like before, I prayed the entire drive to the hospital. Instead of overthinking, I kept one thing in mind: this is someone’s child. Days, months, and years will pass, but this family will always remember the day their child was born. Having those photos can be a tool for bereaved families as they navigate their journey with grief. As a NILMDTS photographer, when I step into that room, I am looking to capture the beauty of their child: their tiny ears, their feet, the hair on top of their head, anything and everything that makes up this individual baby that has been born. 

             Now I Lay Me Down To Sleep is always accepting volunteers. At the time that I write this, I am the only volunteer in Muncie, Indiana. I am honored and grateful to be able to serve these families, and I want people who are on the fence about volunteering photography or retouching services on behalf of NILMDTS to know that it is hard, but you can do it, and it is a gift that the families will cherish in the years to come.